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14 signs your engagement isn't meant to be

Cosmopolitan (UK) logo Cosmopolitan (UK) 10/01/2020 Paisley Gilmour

a close up of a person: How can you tell when it's time to call off your engagement? Here, 14 women share the signs that their engagements weren't meant to be. © Getty Images How can you tell when it's time to call off your engagement? Here, 14 women share the signs that their engagements weren't meant to be. Knowing when it's time to end a long-term relationship can be difficult, but it can be even harder once you've made the decision to get engaged. While engagement and marriage might feel like big commitments (because, well, they are), that doesn't mean you should be afraid to call it off if something doesn't feel quite right. 

There can be more obvious red flags when it comes to an engagement not being healthy, like being in a toxic relationship, or experiencing gaslighting or emotional abuse. However, there can also be less obvious reasons that just mean your fiancé isn't right for you.

Gallery: Worst things you can do if your partner is cheating (Best Life)

But how can you tell? Here, 14 women share how they knew their engagement wasn't meant to be.

1."He thought getting engaged would fix the relationship"

"It was clear that he had proposed because he had fallen out of love with me, panicked and thought progressing the relationship would fix his secret doubts. Ultimately he had decided to just settle for me, but not let me in on it."

2. "I felt lonely with him"

"It was a series of smaller things through the 2 years we lived together, but the apex was when I realised that I felt more lonely when he was at home than I felt when he wasn't home."

a young boy looking at the camera: Polyamory open relationship advice | Couple holding hands © Getty Images Polyamory open relationship advice | Couple holding hands 3. "He just stopped trying"

"I realised he had totally stopped trying. I had endless, tear filled conversations with him about our issues and he never seemed to do anything to help them. He never wanted to go anywhere, or do anything fun. He didn't see the importance in doing anything for me. And when someone stops trying, it's really easy to fall out of love. ... I always wished that he had done something tangible to make me leave him, like cheat or lie. When you just quietly fall out of love with someone, it feels way harder to leave then it does when there's a big blow out or wrong doing. That was years ago and I still feel guilt to this day about it. But I don't regret it at all."

4. "He became controlling"

"When I realised he was getting physically aggressive with me and was super controlling. Everything had to be his way. Lots of gaslighting, wasn’t able to make my own choices. Best decision I ever made!"

Smiling man giving piggyback ride to woman in the city. Young multiethnic couple in cold clothes walking in street and having fun. Cheerful girlfriend with wool cap and boyfriend in sweater enjoying winter together outdoor. © Getty Smiling man giving piggyback ride to woman in the city. Young multiethnic couple in cold clothes walking in street and having fun. Cheerful girlfriend with wool cap and boyfriend in sweater enjoying winter together outdoor. 5. "Seeing him didn't add value to my day"

"When I didn't want to plan the wedding at all, even when the family asked about it. When he checked all the boxes but I told my mom there was still something missing. When he acted like he always knew more than me and I felt he didn't respect me as an adult and working professional. When him coming home from his work didn't add value to my day. When I knew there was more to love than a roommateship. Even after years together I never felt I made the wrong choice walking away."

6. "It became a chore to see him"

"I would not get excited or happy when he messaged me, or when we hung out. I was never really all that excited, but it became a chore to hug him, kiss him, hold his hand. I was excited to be engaged, I was excited for a wedding, I was excited for a honeymoon. But I didn't give two sh**s that it was with him."

Portrait of beautiful young couple using mobile phone in a cold winter on the beach. © Getty Portrait of beautiful young couple using mobile phone in a cold winter on the beach. 7. "I wanted kids, just not with him"

"When I realised it wasn't that I didn't want to have kids, it was that I didn't want to have kids with him."

8. "I dreaded sleeping beside him"

"I used to purposely fall asleep on the couch instead of in bed because I dreaded going to our room to sleep beside him."

9. "He wouldn't compromise on my things"

"My grandma passed away and left me one medium size piece of furniture. My live-in boyfriend said we didn't have room for it. Meanwhile he had an entire 2nd bedroom and full-size basement full of comic books and toys."

© Getty 10. "He only proposed because it's what you're supposed to do"

"I realised that he only proposed because it was what you were 'supposed to do' and wasn't sure he actually loved me."

11. "I realised he wasn't what I wanted in a partner"

"There were a lot of things that led me up to that realisation. I just real

ised that everything he said and did made me understand that he was nothing I wanted in a man. I didn't really have an idea of what kind of man I liked or was attracted to... but with him I just knew he had all the 'don't wants'."

Precious moments of love. Close up portrait of handsome bearded guy kissing his girlfriend in cheek while she hugging him. Lady closing eyes with pleasure and smiling © Getty Precious moments of love. Close up portrait of handsome bearded guy kissing his girlfriend in cheek while she hugging him. Lady closing eyes with pleasure and smiling 12. "I didn't want to have s*x with him anymore"

"I loved him with all my heart and could imagine growing old with him, but I didn’t want to have s*x with him anymore. It was the right decision to leave, as he told me years later that he realised he was never in love with me, and I’m happily married to someone else now.

13. "She was controlling and manipulative"

"For me it was when I told my fiancée I wanted to make cookies and she told me I wasn't allowed to, because she considered it a waste of time. She'd been controlling and manipulative for many years but there's simply no way you can spin making cookies as a bad thing."

a close up of a rope: 14 signs your engagement isn't right © Richard Drury - Getty Images 14 signs your engagement isn't right 14. "I was heading towards an emotional affair"

"When I met someone else who showed me a preview of what real intimacy could be. I knew this person for a few months as a friend, and every time we were together we just clicked. We could talk about our past, our worries, and our future interests so easily—things I was never able to do with my fiancé. After a few weeks of realising I was headed straight to emotional affair territory I ended the engagement. Literally not a single regret since. And now I’m with someone I can truly see myself spending my life with!"

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