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This is the ‘perfect’ time to get engaged, according to experts

Evening Standard logo Evening Standard 13/06/2018 Laura Hampson

a close up of a persons hand © Provided by Evening Standard Limited Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson are engaged, according to multiple reports from the US.

The ‘One Last Time’ singer and the Saturday Night Live cast member have been dating for just three weeks after both splitting from long-term loves in early May.

While sources originally said their relationship was ‘super casual’ and they were ‘just dating’, it seems the pair have skipped a few of the steps most relationships take and have decided they want to spend the rest of their lives together.

But is it ever ‘too soon’ to get engaged?

According to Shilpa Gandhi, certified matchmaker and director of Amare Exclusive, she said that before deciding to get engaged, you should have talked at length about your future and taken age, career stage and financial stability into consideration.

Shilpa told the Standard: “In the first couple of months it may be too soon [to get engaged] as the feelings you have for one another may be lust as opposed to love.

“It’s best to wait until at least 3-6 months to see if the feelings you have are for real or just a fading spark of lust. You need to have emotional and rational feelings towards one another.”

However, award-winning relationship expert Sarah Louise Ryan said that it’s never too soon.

“When it feels right and a couple know they don’t want to spend their lives with anyone else that’s when engagement should be on the cards, if marriage is what they want, of course. It’s about choosing each other and committing.

“When you know, you know. It doesn’t matter the length that you’ve loved, it’s about the depth in which you love. If you have met the person you connect with deeply and can communicate fully with – it’s never too soon.”

Relationship expert, Ben Edwards added: “The world is changing. A few generations ago, there was a set expectation for men, and particularly women, of a certain age to meet their partners young, marry, start a family and ultimately stay together for the rest of their life.

“Now that there are other options available to couples and less limitations, social ‘norms’ are being challenged. I don’t believe there is a set time to wait; some couples will get engaged after knowing each other for three months, others three years. Quite often circumstances will mean it seems like the sensible option to marry, whether this be financial or otherwise, this may mean the decision is made sooner than expected."

Related: 30 Traits of a Healthy Relationship (provided by POPSUGAR)

According to Shilpa, couples in an ‘average’ relationship say “I love you” around the four to five month mark. They go on holiday together for the first time around the seven to 10 month mark and at the same time will have a conversation about the future.

After 10 to 15 months together most couples will move in with each other and get engaged after a year and a half.

Ben said that a relationship timeline will always be unique to the couple and what feels right for them.

He continued: “All I would advise is ensuring you know someone as well as you possibly can before taking your relationship to the next level with gestures such as marriage and moving in together. Arguments in a relationship are inevitable, but what you argue over and how the situation is resolved or dealt with will tell you a lot about the person.

“It is important when making life-changing decisions like moving in with a partner or getting married, that you let your emotions lead; go with your gut. If it feels right, it probably is.”

Yet, Sarah said that relationship timelines come from peer pressure and baby boomer’s ‘traditional expectations’.

© Provided by Shutterstock Sarah told the Standard: “I do believe millennials are breaking the mould (or at least trying to) by getting serious later, working harder for longer and multi-dating until emotional and real romantic connection is apparent.

“When it comes to timings for milestone moments in a relationship, the reality is a couple should go through each step in their relationship progression only when it’s right for them. It all depends on timing in life, emotional availability and readiness.”

This explains why we don’t often hear about shot-gun engagements as millennials are generally taking their time over picking their partner in life. This could be because they want to make sure they’re ‘the one’ or because dating apps have made it easier than ever to be ‘picky’ about who we choose to date and love.

While the experts gave differing views on whether or not it is ever ‘too soon’ to get engaged, they all agree you’ll know when you’re ready to get engaged when you know you have found the ever-mystical ‘one’.

As Sarah said, “Romantically speaking, you should get engaged only when you are truly, madly, deeply in love and really want to show an outward commitment to the world of how you feel inside.”

So, while three weeks may be ‘too soon’ in some people’s books, for Ariana and Pete it may feel just right.

Related: 16 things to never post about your relationship on social media (provided by The Active Times)


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