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Dear Coleen: Me and my girlfriend reunited - but she's pregnant with another guy

Mirror logo Mirror 06/05/2019 Coleen Nolan
a man and a woman lying on a bed: Pregnant woman unable to sleep © Getty Images Pregnant woman unable to sleep

Dear Coleen

I split up with my girlfriend a few months ago because we weren’t getting on.

Life was miserable because we argued over everything, so we decided to take a break to see how we each felt.

We’d both had a long period of being stressed by work and certain family situations, which played a part, so we thought it was sensible to have some breathing space.

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Getty © Getty Getty

We didn’t impose any rules on each other in terms of seeing other people.

Recently, we got back together and things have been going well, however, she’s discovered she is pregnant and the father is a guy she slept with a few times while we were apart.

She told me as soon as she found out and has been totally honest about their relationship, which I appreciate.

It’s over with this guy and she says she loves me and wants to stay with me, but she also wants to keep the baby.

I love her too, but this is a shock, makes things complicated and I’m worried as to how my family will react.

Coleen says

a woman sitting in a chair talking on a cell phone: I love her but I’m worried as to how my family will react © PA I love her but I’m worried as to how my family will react

Well, it’s not a decision you should feel pressured into making on the spot.

You need to think about the implications of bringing up another man’s child and how it’s going to affect your ­relationship, too.

However, I think if you really love her and want to be with her, you can be confident that you will love the child despite the fact it’s not yours biologically.

You do need to sit down and talk a lot about how you feel and about how things are going to work.

For example, is the father going to be involved in the child’s life and, if so, how much?

You can’t demand he doesn’t see the baby.

Of course, on the other hand he may not want to be involved.

Getty © Getty Getty

As for your family, it’s really nothing to do with them – yes, they can have an opinion and I’m sure they will, but they have to accept your decision. You might get some people saying you’re crazy, but it’s not their life. You can’t make a decision like this by committee or to please family – it’s between you and your partner.

I think the fact she’s been able to be honest with you is a good sign and it was something that happened when you weren’t together.

Honesty and ability to talk things through are good foundations for moving on successfully. But, at the same time, if you give it some thought and decide you don’t want to take this on, then you have to be equally honest with her.

MSN UK are Empowering Happiness for mental health awareness month. Find out more about our campaign and the charities working to stop people falling into crisis here.

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