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New dad admits he's desperate for an open marriage - shortly after arrival of first child

Mirror logo Mirror 15/04/2018 Zahra Mulroy
a man with his hands on his head © Getty

It may be mum who carries, delivers the baby and often suffers for it, but dads often find themselves blindsided by birth too.

There's the sudden and dramatic change of routine. The running on empty. The shift in focus as your tiny little sleep-thief pushes you down the household's pecking order.

It's a time of adjustment, upheaval and trying to band together as a unit.

It's NOT time to ask your wife for an open relationship.

Now, you may be thinking, "who in their right mind would do such an ill-advised and cruel thing?"

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Yet this is seriously what one new dad wants to do, and he sought advise from agony aunt Mallory Ortberg.

"I've been with my wife for eight years, married for three, and we recently had a baby," he explained.

"I love my wife, and I adore our baby girl, but while I love my wife, I'm not 'in love' with her anymore, and I’m no longer attracted to her physically.

"Our relationship is more like two roommates who share parenting duties. She is my best friend, and I love her like a sister."

a man and a woman looking at the camera: Credits: Blend Images © Provided by Trinity Mirror Shared Services Limited Credits: Blend Images

However, he's not after a divorce or separation.

"Instead," he continued, "I want to ask her if I can open the relationship.

"Of course if we open it, I'd be happy to let her date as well."

He then adds: "How do I gently broach the topic without hurting her feelings?"

How thoughtful.

"I love her and I want to be happy, and even though I’m no longer attracted to her, I want us to continue to be a family.

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"She knows something is wrong, but I’m not sure how to tell her how I feel. Please help."

It's hard to know even where to start with this. The dad obviously and actually expected some help reaching his open relationship goal.

Mallory, however, had some stern words for him.

"If you reread your letter," she replies, "I think you must be aware on some level that you are not on the verge of breaking news of some cool, exciting new opportunity to your wife.

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"You say she 'knows something is wrong,' which suggests that she does not 'love you like a brother' and has also fallen out of romantic love with you, and that she is not likely to be excited at the prospect of starting an open relationship together.

"Whatever you ultimately decide to share with her, I think you should be realistic about the odds that your confession will result in a divorce, whether you want it to or not."

Basically, you can't have your cake and eat it.

ESPECIALLY just after your wife has had a baby.

Related: 10 Ways We Keep Our Marriage Strong After 10 Years (Provided by POPSUGAR)

10 Ways We Keep Our Marriage Strong After 10 Years: My husband and I have been together for 13 years, and have been married for 10. We've had some amazing years filled with lots of laughter, life-changing adventures, and three children, and we've also had a handful of years filled with heartache and loss, which, I'll be totally honest, almost broke us. But throughout our time together, it feels like we've been through it all, and our relationship has only gotten better with time. Here are the top ten things we do to keep our marriage going strong.Related: 22 Signs You're in a Healthy Marriage 10 Ways We Keep Our Marriage Strong After 10 Years

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