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What to ask yourself before you end a relationship

Indy 100 logoIndy 100 06-10-2017 Alex Barrett

© Provided by Independent Print Limited Relationships can be difficult. It's a universally acknowledged truth that it's easy to promise compromise - but much harder to deliver it.

If you think that your bond is becoming strained, that you're having less fun, or even that your attention is wandering, it can be hard to know whether these feelings are momentary, or whether you should call time on your relationship.

Linda Carroll, a couple's therapist with 35 years experience, recently spoke to Mind Body Green about this dilemma.

Here are her suggestions as to the questions you should ask yourself before making any relationship altering decisions:

1. Are you taking care of yourself?

If you're not doing the due diligence of self-care, of exercise, of meditation, of taking time for yourself to de-stress, then you can't earnestly say your unhappiness is entirely your significant other's fault.

Ultimately, you're always responsible for your own happiness. Do the factors affecting your wellbeing come from things your partner is doing, or do they come from things you're neglecting?

2. Do you really want to leave this person?

You may be ready to leave, but take a few days to breathe and work out what's driving that impulse.

Are you bored with the person or the stagnant relationship?

There's a distinction there and you can do things to change both, but they're very different courses.

3. Do you think you're fully committed at present?

If you want excitement it takes two.

If you're unhappy with the routine - do you always make plans or does your partner?

Do you want them to do more? If so - have you told them this?

Which brings us to...

4. Have you communicated your problems with your partner?

You can't expect people to solve a problem they know nothing about.

You also shouldn't expect your partner to read your mind. 

Communicate. You'd want to be told and not left cold.

If you bring your problems to your partner and they aren't very helpful or responsive, then you can factor that response in.

What's the worst that can happen from raising your issues with a partner who should be willing to help?

Related: 5 Questions to Ask Yourself Early in a Relationship (provided by Real Simple)

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