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An election in verse

LiveMint logoLiveMint 16-05-2014 Aakar Patel

A There was an old man from Sindh

Who dreams of being ruler of Hind

His chances improve

In the 180 groove

At 220, they’re gone with the wind.

B It’s a long hard trek to 272

Especially now there’s no JDU

And Lalu’s allied with Congress

But the polls say I digress

30 from here and NaMo’s through.

C He’s one of three, first among equals

Seshan and Lyngdoh were prequels

His job this time

Is a clean phase nine

And to hope 2014 sees no sequels.

D Calm down Mr Modi, it’s an interview

So we cut out Priyanka, Ahmed Patel too

But you’re pushing your luck

To whine over a little snip and tuck

We’re a government tool—that’s what we do.

E My ivory body that you know

Your finger caresses it, slow

In response to your depression

I let out a cry of satisfaction

But only once. You’re done, you go.

F He exaggerates a little, that we know

In Gujarati, this nickname means “to throw”

The mighty dragons he’s slain

Are they creations of his brain?

His record in New Delhi will soon show.

G This is the venue of that burning train

An episode that brought some much pain

But for others it’s not a matter

Of electoral chatter

Attempts to raise it have remained in vain.

H The sadhus were enraged by this slogan

That described the Gujarati shogun

As a God to be bowed

It may seem NaMo was cowed

But it’ll return after the election’s won.

I The Scarlet Letter was Hawthorne’s mark of shame

I’m a darker shade of purple: what’s my name?

Now whether you vote left or right

Your digit equally betrays my blight

To ensure no one gets seconds, that’s my aim.

J Already empress of Poes Garden

Her stance will likely harden

If a chance should arise

to rule Delhi by surprise

But if not, she won’t beg our pardon.

K My party took on Congress brawn

In Delhi we stopped BJP’s dawn

Rolling in my Wagon R

I’m the unexpected star

Bataiye: Hum AAP ke hain kaun?

L Here’s some cud for you to chew

Polls say I’m losing this one too

Their methods really seem unsound

In Bihar I’ll always be around

Jab take rahega samose main aloo.

M “Yes, Ma’am”, “No Ma’am” I said to Sonia G

With Rahul Baba I had to always agree

Mamata, nuke deal, 2G scam

I took the hit: They didn’t give a damn

On 16 May, thank god, I’ll be finally free.

N For all you tired of the same old

Whom the ballot’s symbols leave cold

But vote, you still gotta

Options, there’s not a lotta

My button, depress and hold.

O Grandpa was Kashmir’s Lion

This cub is only the scion

His subjects saith

They’re of Semetic faith

But his kingdom is no Zion.

P How the party wishes she were heir

Or that Pappu his position would share

With the one who could bring

To their weary steps a spring

And save him from the embarrassing glare.

Q There are many here old enough to

Recall when voting was much ado

You arrived and you stood

For as long as you could

Today, you just walk in and you’re through.

R This guru who once taught yoga

Now campaigns in his saffron toga

He riffs on honeymoons

Among other loony tunes

Ab inka to jo hona hai woh hoga.

S Where is she now? “I think sir she’s inside”

“Our men couldn’t find her, hard as they tried”

She just switched off her phone

Amitbhai, this bird has flown

Protection? From terrorists? Surely you lied.

T What’s going on here? The nation wants to know!

From 2G scam to Pakistan, watch the 9pm show!

How dare you? How dare you!

Speak without his cue?

To see a circus as the news, to this channel we go.

U She was called the sexy sanyasi

And also the queen of Jhansi

But these days her domain

A little limited will remain

She’s seen as unstable and chancy.

V Hello, mango people (heh heh), I do like to pun

Whether or not Congress wins, I continue my fun

Stepping out in pink

Without a pause to think

The damage I cause to widow-daughter-son.

W We’re half the population (well, almost)

Yet in elections not unlike a ghost

We’re vote-banks for no leader

Having no champion or pleader

If we did, to victory they’d likely coast.

X The principal of this fine college

Adds politics to kids’ knowledge

Frazer Mascarenhas

Says: “NaMo can’t save us”

Now he’s ripe for Giriraj’s haulage.

Y Oh back off, you losers who are whining

About this imaginary scam in mining

I just licensed my sons

To dig out a few tons

It’s really all a part of India Shining.

Z This last one is a toughie and a clue is only decent

It’s Modi’s home minister when the riots were recent

He wasn’t really concerned

While town and city burned

No thanks to the poor forces he sent.

Answers: Advani, Bihar, Chief election commissioner, Doordarshan, Electronic voting machine, Feku, Godhra, Har Har Modi, Indelible ink, Jayalalithaa, Kejriwal, Lalu, Manmohan, Nota, Omar, Priyanka, Queue, Ramdev, Sahebgate, Times Now, Uma Bharti, Vadra, Women, Xavier’s, Yeddyurappa, Zadaphia.

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