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13 Signs You're Dating a Narcissist

Popsugar logoPopsugar 11/10/2017 Nicole Yi

© POPSUGAR Photography / Diggy Lloyd

No one intentionally falls for a narcissistic person (unless that's your type). But before realising who he or she truly is, you may initially be attracted to someone who's charming, sweet, and deeply interested in you. They sweep you off your feet by pulling all the stops from flower deliveries to extravagant dinner reservations, and it works . . . at least, for a little while. Until the person who completely wooed you starts to act like someone you barely recognise, and you're stuck in a relationship with a partner who cares more about themselves than anyone else — including you.

Before we dive deeper into more of those red flags, it's important to identify what kind of people are most vulnerable to narcissists. When speaking with clinical relationship expert Dr. Carmen McGuinness, those with low self-esteem and those who are natural caretakers are easy prey. So, are narcissists able to love someone other than themselves? Well, kind of.

"The narcissist is in love, but what he's in love with is that person who's in love with him," McGuinness told POPSUGAR. "It's like saying he's in love with the reflection in his mirror. But it's not a real love because when you take him out of the equation and just try to focus on her needs, he's not able to do that. He's a huge risk for her. Huge risk. He should come with a hazard sign."

The most dangerous part about dating a narcissist is that it's not always so obvious. See if the 13 signs ahead sound familiar and if they do, consider finding an exit and fast.

They wanted to take things really fast.

They wanted to take things really fast. © Unsplash / Alexandra Gorn They wanted to take things really fast.

Right off the bat, he or she seemed to be completely invested in the relationship. Instead of being concerned about how consumed they were, you were flattered by their infatuation. Things got intense very quickly and they weren't afraid to make your relationship exclusive so soon — a ploy to gain control.

At one point, they turned on you.

At one point, they turned on you. © Stocksnap / Everton Vila At one point, they turned on you.

Once you were hooked on them, they were fast to turn their back. The sweet and selfless person that you initially fell for is now unpredictable and moody, and often makes it your responsibility to appease them.

They have a sob story.

They have a sob story. © Unsplash / Kristopher Roller They have a sob story.

When the two of you first began getting to know each other, they were quick to open up and share their vulnerable side. You fell right into their trap when you comforted them and gave them the attention they wanted. Though their story could be completely true, they used it to their advantage to build an illusion of trust.

They act like they're entitled.

They act like they're entitled. © Unsplash / WillSpirit SBLN They act like they're entitled.

He or she walks around like they're the sh*t because they genuinely believe they're superior to everyone else. They put themselves on a pedestal and expect others to be on their hands and knees catering to their every need. They're often disrespectful to strangers (especially service workers) and anyone they consider to be inferior.

They bring you down to make themselves feel better.

They bring you down to make themselves feel better. © Unsplash / Annette Sousa They bring you down to make themselves feel better.

Anytime that they're feeling insecure, they feed on bringing others down. They may be projecting their personal issues onto you, and in turn, you feel like you're doing something wrong in the relationship. Narcissists always need somebody to blame and have difficulty holding themselves accountable for anything that doesn't glorify them.

They find any excuse to talk about themselves.

They find any excuse to talk about themselves. © Unsplash / Etienne Boulanger They find any excuse to talk about themselves.

Your partner likes to shift the conversation to return the focus back to them. They love to gloat about their achievements and constantly need to be in the spotlight. When you're discussing something that's irrelevant to them, they show disinterest and change the topic when they're bored.

They insist on their way and their way only.

They insist on their way and their way only. © POPSUGAR Photography / Diggy Lloyd They insist on their way and their way only.

What originally seemed to be a balanced partnership has gradually turned into a one-sided situation. They don't like to compromise and easily show anger over things they disagree with. To avoid fighting, you often give in and do what you're told.

They think they're above the law.

They think they're above the law. © Unsplash / Alexander Mils They think they're above the law.

In line with their superiority complex, he or she thinks they can get away with anything. They have zero consideration for others and aren't afraid to question authority because they're convinced that they're better than everyone else.

They don't follow through on promises.

They don't follow through on promises. © Stocksnap / Alice Donovan Rouse They don't follow through on promises.

Whether it's as small as dinner plans or as significant as being a better partner, many of their promises are empty. They're good at telling you what you want to hear but they don't actually intend on coming through. They know exactly the right words to say, but narcissists are never reliable people.

They have zero empathy for others.

They have zero empathy for others. © POPSUGAR Photography / Diggy Lloyd They have zero empathy for others.

They simply don't care when it comes to others' feelings. If it doesn't directly involve them, it's not worth their energy. Their only concern is how they can benefit from the situation or person. Empathy just isn't something that comes naturally to narcissists like it does for others.

They can turn into a different person like a switch.

They can turn into a different person like a switch. © Stocksnap / Freestocks They can turn into a different person like a switch.

It's frightening how easily they can transform into an entirely different person so quickly. Narcissists know how to put on a good show. They'll charm the pants off of people in public, but reveal their true selves behind closed doors.

They're manipulative.

They're manipulative. © Stocksnap / Freestocks They're manipulative.

He or she is a pro at mind games. They know exactly how to keep you in the palm of their hand because they know the right moments to be nice. They often try to make things up to you by being overly apologetic, showering you with gifts, or by being uncharacteristically attentive in hopes that you'll forget all about how terrible they treated you.

They sneak in snide comments.

They sneak in snide comments. © Stocksnap / Allef Vinicius They sneak in snide comments.

He or she is extremely critical of you and goes beyond brutal honesty. They make rude comments about your appearance and intelligence, for example, to chip away at your self-esteem and maintain the upper hand in the relationship. Narcissists want you to question your self-worth to further confirm that they're better than you.

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