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April Fools Day Headlines

The Huffington Post logo The Huffington Post 1/04/2016 Robert J. Elisberg
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I like to post funny, fake headlines on April Fools Day to imagine what it'd be like if they were actually really. This year, though, it took a bit of an odd turn. This year, here's a list of April Fools Day headlines I would have written, if only unfortunately they weren't already taken.
* * *

Donald Trump Says We Should Build a Wall Between U.S. and Mexico.
Donald Trump Says We Should Ban All Muslims from Entering the United States.
Donald Trump Says He Could Shoot Someone in the Streets of New York, and He Wouldn't Lose Support
Donald Trump Wins New Hampshire Primary
Donald Trump Says Mexico Sends Rapists to the United States
Donald Trump Says He Can't Imagine Carly Fiorina as President Because of Her Face
Donald Trump Says He Would Date His Daughter If She Wasn't His Daughter
Donald Trump Wins South Carolina Primary
Donald Trump Says John McCain is Not a War Hero Because He Got Caught
Donald Trump Says Women Should Be Punished if They Have an Illegal Abortion
Donald Trumps Says He's a Negotiator, Just Like You Jews.
Donald Trump Wins Alabama Primary.
Donald Trump Says If Hillary Clinton Can't Satisfy Her Husband How Can She Satisfy America?
Donald Trump Says All the Women on The Apprentice Flirted with Him "Consciously or Unconsciously."
Donald Trump Says He Has Evidence That President Obama Was Born in Kenya.
Donald Trump Says Mexico Will Pay for Wall U.S. Builds to Block Mexico.
Donald Trump Says It Doesn't Matter What They Write About You as Long as You've Got A Young and Beautiful Piece of Ass.
Donald Trump Wins Arkansas, Georgia, Tennessee, Massachusetts Primaries
Donald Trump Says There's Nobody Bigger or Better at the Military Than He Is.
Donald Trump Says He Has a Great Relationship with The Blacks.
Donald Trump Says Nobody Loves the Mexicans More Than He Does
Donald Trump Says That Nobody Understands the U.S-Iran Nuclear Deal More Than He Does
Donald Trump Says That Nobody Respects Women More Than He Does
Donald Trump Says Megyn Kelly Has Blood Coming Out of Her "...Wherever."
Donald Trump Says He's Really Rich. Repeats That He's Really Rich. Says Again He's Really Rich.
Donald Trump Says He's Intelligent and That Some People Would Say He's Very, Very, Very Intelligent.
Donald Trump Says His IQ is One of the Highest
Donald Trump Wins Virginia, Kentucky, Vermont Primaries
Donald Trump Says Jeb Bush Has to Life Mexican Illegal Because of His Wife
Donald Trump Says He Hates It When Blacks Count His Money Because "The Only Guys I Want Counting My Money are Short Guys That Wear Yarmulkes All Day."
Donald Trump Says If He Get My Name in the Paper, That's What Matters.
Donald Trump Leads Republican Party Candidates to Be the GOP Nominee

To read more from Robert J. Elisberg about this or many other matters both large and tidbit small, see Elisberg Industries.

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