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Keeping up with the Kontentsphere

The Wireless logo The Wireless 29/06/2017

Has another week passed you by with nary a fleeting glance at the weird and wonderful world of online content? Do you quake with fear at the prospect of rolling up to yet another Friday drinks with no idea what’s going on? Get the goss and impress your friends with another handy dandy instalment of Keeping up with the Kontentsphere.

© Provided by Radio New Zealand Limited

JAMIE "BABE" OLIVER

Joining the hoard of 30+ white dudes who just loooove Lorde is Jamie Oliver, whose comment on an Instagram posted by the precocious pop star earned many a raised eyebrow.

Is Jamie Oliver bad at grammar? Are Jamie and Lorde mates? Will they band together to fight the sugar-laden National government? Only time will tell.

RIHANNA GETTING THE PIPE

Rihanna deserves every good thing on the planet and one of those things is a kind, gentle lover with whom to spend the balmy summer.

Praise be to Xenu then, because that is exactly what she has. 

PETER THIEL'S 12 DAYS IN HEAVEN

Terrible billionaire and Kiwiana enthusiast only spent a collective 12 days (spread over a languid five year period) before becoming a citizen and everyone’s like whaaa?

Conspicuously absent from reports of Thiel’s Antipodean agenda, however, is information about his STRONG INTEREST in injecting himself with the blood of the young in the hope of eternal youth. What does Peter Thiel really want from New Zealand? Our sweet 100% Pure Kiwi blood of course. Hide your children, lock your doors and leave slabs of raw meat on your porch overnight to assuage passing billionaires of their bloodlust.

RICKY BAKER X DEADPOOL

Julian Dennison from Hunt for the Wilderpeople is going to be in the Deadpool sequel! Taika Waititi and Sam Neill are overjoyed

Wah-hey!

SLIME

Children are becoming astute business moguls by manufacturing colourful slime in their homes. In what Newshub describes as a “playground version of Breaking Bad”, the children are making so much slime that PVA glue (a key ingredient) is becoming scarce.

Can the slime supply and demand chain ever catch up? With the enfant-entrepreneurs labelling the craze “more fun” than fidget spinners, the arts and crafts community should consider themselves warned. 

BABY OTTER

A precious infant otter was found swimming alone without his mother in open water off northern Vancouver Island on Sunday and the Vancouver aquarium have taken him in and are giving him baths and gently drying his soft lush fur. 

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