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Satire: Hillary Clinton Releases Rap Video

The Huffington Post logo The Huffington Post 1/02/2016 Emma Weaver

Watch the full Clinton rap video below
WHOWOULDLIVEHERE, Iowa - If Hillary Clinton wants to keep up with Bernie Sanders' cool grandfather vibes, said CNN anchors Jan. 26, "She's gonna have to sing."
And just in time, she has.
In a last-minute effort to secure millennial votes, Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton is released her debut music video, "I'm fun, damn it," the night before the Iowa caucuses, and nine days before the New Hampshire primary.
As the only Democratic candidate in the 2016 elections without an album, Clinton is now attempting to keep up with the musical talents of her opponents in order to gain votes.
"Reality TV charades are working in the Republican race," Clinton said. "I guess a sick lyrical game is what's important for the Democrats."
As one of the most important issues to voters, the new music video is expected to give Clinton at least a 20-point jump in the polls, despite its quality.
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"I am way more likely to caucus for her now," said August Flora Stoney, half-ass employee at the local Birkenstock shop. "Any woman that raps is breaking the glass ceiling, no matter who she is. Even Nicki Minaj is breaking the glass ceiling, even though she was made in a factory by kinky old Russian men."
Clinton's main opponent, Senator Bernie Sanders (D-Vermont), released a folk album in 1987.
While his album is not hip in today's culture, his background as an artist makes him seem "like a cool grandpa" to the hipster community, the most important and influential community of all.
"I don't have a job, but I'm basically internet famous and that's all that matters in today's world," said fulltime YouTuber and total d-bag Derek Bohner. "So when I say Bernie was cool for releasing a folk album, I know what I'm talking about."
Listen to a Sanders song here.
Presidential hopeful Martin O'Malley is only polling at 4 percent - but is polling at 90 percent on the coolness scale. O'Malley is the lead guitarist and singer of an Irish band, and Sally Williams, a Walmart employee, calls him "hunky."
"O'Malley is like basically nowhere in the real polls, but if he endorses one of the candidates, it would swing the election," Williams said. "I totally think he will endorse Clinton because rap is way cooler than folk music."
Click here to listen to a song by O'Malley.
Clinton's rap music video is understandably already in the nation's top ten. Nicki Minaj called it "dope." Which means kinky old Russian men also called it "dope." Which means you should watch it.
But after you watch the video, please suppress the urge to call Ghostface Hillah up on the phone and ask her to get shitfaced on a nice lukewarm glass of tap water with you.
Co-reported with Sarah Elizabeth Pitts

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