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You Shouldn't Get a Puppy Because Congress

The Huffington Post The Huffington Post 29/02/2016 Brian Tyler Cohen
US CONGRESS © flySnow via Getty Images US CONGRESS

I would be remiss not to applaud our 114th Congress for being the fierce defenders of the Constitution and protectors of our great country that they are. Under the leadership of Mitch McConnell (R, Kentucky), the Republicans have once again stood up to the Democrats and their baby-killing, socialist agenda.
This time, Harry Reid (D, Nevada) and his band of freeloaders are attempting to exploit the death of a true champion of conservative principles, Antonin Scalia, and replace him with one of their homosexual hippies from Seattle or Portland or some other despicable city with a livable minimum wage. Congress has, in turn, vowed not to even consider one of Barack Hussein Obama's nominations, much less hold a vote. And rightfully so. It is Obama's last year in office; he is officially a lame duck president, although anyone with any sense would argue that his lame duck-edness began three years ago. Because of this, he should defer to the will of the people in this next election and allow his Republican successor to nominate a replacement whose principles are more aligned with the conservative values that built this country into what it is today - the one and only true powerhouse of the world, despite the fact that the Democrats are practically trying to give the damn title away to China.
To those who claim that B. Hussein Obama's reelection was a mandate to exercise his presidential duties and name a successor to the Supreme Court, I say not to allow yourself to be blinded by his shallow promises of free healthcare; you surely don't want to put your family's well being in the hands of government-salaried doctors and their death panels. The fact is this: Obama will be leaving office - eventually - so he does not have the right to fulfill his executive powers. I will leave you with an anecdote. For Christmas (a day that still exists to the dismay of the liberal media), my two children spent the year practically begging their mother and me for a puppy. They made their beds every morning, took out the trash on Wednesdays, and studied their favorite verses from the Bible (let's face it, they were some of my favorites, as well). On Christmas morning, they ran downstairs and crowded around one giant box beneath the tree. And when I gave them the go-ahead, they tore off the bow and removed the lid to reveal not a puppy, but something better: a note. It read, This year for Christmas, you will not be getting a puppy, because puppies grow up, and soon thereafter, they die. And the heartache you will feel from a dead dog is too great for me, as your loving father, to allow you to bear. My kids do not get a puppy for Christmas because it will die, eventually. And Obama does not get to nominate a successor to the Supreme Court because he will leave office. Eventually.
EDITOR'S NOTE: This post is intended to be satirical.

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