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Oh Baby, Please Don’t Wean Yet

Mom.me logo Mom.me 4/16/2019 Gretchen Bossio
a woman holding a baby © Provided by RockYou Media(mom.me; purpleclover.com)

a woman holding a baby: toddler sleeping mom © Provided by RockYou Media(mom.me; purpleclover.com) toddler sleeping mom Twenty20

Dear Little One,

When I booked my little getaway I wasn’t sure you’d still be nursing. It’s always hard to know at this age.

But you are, very much so. Day and night, mama milk is part of our everyday routine. You love it and I love it and somehow we’re going to get through this time apart.

I’ve left you in the care of your Daddy and Grandma. They have my pumped milk and many hugs waiting for you when you get hungry or feel sad. When you wake and call for me at night, know that you’re in my heart and I’m pumping three times a day so I’m ready for you when I return. I’m not sure you understood our departure chat, but I’m coming back. I promise.

In the back of my mind I’m worried you'd use my absence as a reason to wean. I wouldn’t fault you. But, oh Baby, please don’t wean yet.

I know I shouldn’t worry — you nurse too frequently to quit on me just now. But I have reason to fret.

Your sister weaned shortly after her first birthday, quite suddenly. It caught me so off-guard I had to pump to stay comfortable and then wean myself off the pump. It came too soon.

I needed a gradual let down and ending our nursing days like that was just too abrupt for my sentimental mama heart. With you being my last baby I want to slowly savor you growing up, you growing away from the constant need you have for me.

I never imagined I’d feel so much purpose in our breastfeeding relationship. To be needed by you in this way is something special. You feel it too. You won’t remember, but I will. And that’s enough.

Oh Baby, please don’t wean yet. I’ll be ready someday. But that day isn’t today.

I do think you’ll carry the love and closeness we’ve experienced far beyond our nursing days. You won’t have words for it, but I believe there will be a place in your heart reserved for you and I and all the hours we spent together … milk flowing, hearts beating, minds connecting.

When you were just a little one you were never more at peace than when I pulled you towards my chest. Now, as a walking and chattering toddler, you dance with excitement when I pull you on to my lap and ask, “Would you like to snuggle for some milk?” You throw your body back so you’re cradled in my arms and reach for my shirt.

While I was away, I checked in often. We FaceTimed and your Daddy confessed that you were completely uninterested in the pumped milk I had left. Were you missing me? Were you missing us? Five days without nursing and I just didn’t know what to expect when I returned.

Emotionally, I wasn’t ready to wean. Although you are 17 months old, I have hopes of reaching your second birthday. With the busyness of brothers and a sister and home life, our quiet time in the rocking chair with you at my breast is just too precious.

Oh Baby, please don’t wean yet. I’ll be ready someday. But that day isn’t today.

As I hoped, you were eager to nurse the moment you saw me. No weaning for us! Often you’re distracted or drift off to sleep when you nurse, but not this time. This time you stared and stared, into my eyes, into my heart. Bubs, I love you so and I can’t wait for the breastfeeding days in our future. Each one is a gift.

Thanks for sticking with me a bit longer.

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