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Dad asks internet if he should reveal his daughter's secret to her fiancé before marriage

Indy 100 logo Indy 100 22/5/2019 Louis Staples
© Provided by Independent Digital News & Media Limited

Sometimes parenting creates unexpected dilemmas.

But a recent post on Reddit from a concerned father has gone viral by asking for help in a situation which tests the ethics of parenting.

Writing under the username u/Pause96, he explains:

I’m the dad of a 25 year old young woman who I love very much. I’ve been able to have a good relationship with my daughter and I enjoy my time with her, but there’s one thing about her that would give many people pause - she is a diagnosed sociopath.

The man describes how his daughter exhibited odd, disturbing behaviour from a young age, which motivated him to seek professional help. He says that, throughout her elementary years, she struggled heavily and got in lots of trouble in school for lying, cruelty and all other types of misbehaviour. With an “enormous amount” of therapy and support, her bad behaviour was minimised as she grew older. At 18 she was officially diagnosed.

Thankfully, the man says that her following years were much more fruitful.

She’s law-abiding; has a decent job and a good education; and has many good friendships and admirers. Especially male admirers; she is very, very charming and adept at attracting guys and maintaining their interest.

He says that she even has a boyfriend who he really likes and gets on with as they live in a similar area. But there’s just one issue.

I doubt she loves him. We’ve had some very honest, in-depth discussions about her mental health since her diagnosis, and she’s been open with me that she doesn’t feel love or empathy towards anyone, even family.

When she acted very sad and broken up over the death of one of her closest friends at the funeral, she confessed to me privately that it was all a put-on, and that she felt ‘pretty neutral’ about the whole thing. She has also stated she has never once felt guilty about anything she’s ever done, and doesn’t know what guilt feels like.

While she enjoys being around her boyfriend and is sexually attracted to him, I highly doubt she feels much of anything towards him love-wise.

The man went on to explain that the boyfriend did not know about the diagnosis and that his daughter would not tell him because she didn’t want to “scare him away”. But he disagrees. He says:

I’ve made it clear to her that she needs to tell him the truth before they marry; that he has the right to know and consider it; or I will; to which she always responds, ‘I know you wouldn’t dare.’

I actually would - I really like and respect this young man, and would feel awful keeping this “secret” from him, and letting him walk into a marriage without this piece of knowledge. I’m not trying to sabotage my daughter’s future.

Closing out his story, he asked Reddit users:

Am I the a***ole?

Although the internet was conflicted, responses generally aired on the side of the father. People understood why he felt like he would need to tell his daughter's partner.

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