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2008 Emmys Undressed! The Worst

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By Kat GiantisSpecial to MSN EntertainmentShrink Wrapped:Eva Longoria Parker, it's time for us to talk. Actually, it's about a month, a gallon of Victoria Beckham's hair gel and a makeup spray gun set to "spackle" past time for us to talk. For weeks, you've fended off baby talk, even joking a few days ago that you're not pregnant, you're "just fat." Honey, if this is what you consider fat, we'd be thrilled if you called us morbidly obese. Look, it's obvious that you're having some self-image issues, which might explain how you ended up on the Emmy red carpet decked out in belly-hiding tiers of fringe snipped from a dozen Victorian lampshades. Toss in toe-smooshing silver stilettos so pointy you could put an eye out and a titanic bow that makes us wonder if you just won first prize in a Miss Natural Boobs beauty contest and it's obvious something is up. Eva, you're so elfin we could carry you around in our pocket. You need to find a style that plays up your far-from-fleshy assets instead of hiding behind flapper-y tassels, gift-wrapped cleavage (absolutely no returns) and severe hair and makeup better suited to a drenched raccoon. (Sara De Boer/Retna Ltd.)
© Sara De Boer/Retna Ltd.
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