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View to a Shill: Gwyneth Paltrow makes a point of never being seen in public with Chris Martin, her Coldplay husband of five years and the father of her two moniker-challenged children, Apple and Moses. But while the Oscar winner is determined to keep her private life private, she seems a lot less concerned about her private parts. She waltzes into the Paris premiere of "Two Lovers," a film in which she bares a boob (her left one, if you must know), styling a black and white cutout lace monstrosity that puts her nude-hued, all-my-sexy-lingerie-is-in-the-wash-and-I'm-stuck-wearing-the-bra-and-underpants-set-my-nana-got-me-on-sale on public display. So, if we understand Gwyneth's reasoning correctly, it's fine to give the world a gander at her yoga-sculpted body in full-coverage granny panties in order to promote her mammary-accented movie, but stepping out with her life partner is a no-no. Huh. Anyhoo, Paltrow manages to make matters infinitely worse with her stubbiness-causing Little Dutch Boy booties, which is quite a feat considering her calamitous two-tone couture is equal parts R-rated novelty apron and the unsexiest French maid uniform ever. Either way, one thing is certain: If Gwyneth is going to provide us with an unwanted window into her underwear drawer, we'd at least prefer her hubby was around so he could close the curtains. (
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