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Total Eclipse of the Tart: Number of years the world has been graced with Mariah Carey's butterfly- and rainbow-adorned presence: 39. Number of years since Mariah should have put away her eensy-weensy skirts and Daisy Duke-style knotted shirts? 19. Number of high school cheerleaders Mariah had to fight off at Hot Topic to score her cotton candy-saturated size-zero mini: 4. Number of inches between Mariah's pastel-y nether regions and an indecent exposure charge: 2. Number of weeks Mariah has been beaming due to her domestic bliss with Nick Cannon: 12. Number of weeks we expected their domestic bliss to last: 0. Number of dollars you'd have to shell out for your very own pair of Mariah's Christian Louboutin watersnake platform peep-toe stilettos: 995. Number of bystanders injured when the overwhelming pressure of Mariah's cleavage sent her buttons flying: 3. Number of times we're going to see some version of this outfit on Mariah in the future: infinite.
© Theo Wargo/
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