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Cristiano warms up the artillery

AS AS 26/04/2014 Juanma Trueba
Scoring again Scoring again

Cristiano scored two goals to scare Bayern and the prudent doctors; giving him motivation is just like winding him up. Sergio Ramos and Carvajal scored because it was a night to ask for the moon, with someone likely to hand it to you on a stick. Osasuna left as stiff as a DJ at a house party.

You can’t fight the elements. Not even five minutes were up when Cejudo was close to opening the scoring with a splendid overhead kick. The silence it was greeted with was overwhelming and clearly unfair, because the effort deserved at least a murmur of shock or admiration. Possible everyone was still taking their seats, though it’s more likely that nobody was ready to feel frightened.

The incident invited some of those reflections with which one fills the time in games where the result isn't in doubt. How would players like Cejudo fare in bigger teams – how many tributes would we have written by now? How would Oriol Riera (12 goals, one less than Urban in his best season) get on if he played in the Premier, with a good supply of balls?

Osasuna can’t be blamed. It’s not that they didn’t have ideas, but they didn’t have enough breath to carry them out. Every player had to stay alert to who they were marking, help their team-mate out, head up the pitch cautiously and sprint back urgently. If they didn’t play more football it’s because they were studying industrial engineering.

Cristiano’s first goal defines itself, a Cristiano goal. He controlled out on the left (offside) and shot with more care than violence, as if he was looking for the ball’s g-spot. He found it. The ball went off, full of dip and swerve, like a polyurethane drone. There was little Andrés Fernández could do. Cristiano (somewhat sadistically) has scored nine goals against him.

His second was a subtle variation on the first. This time the hit was straighter, without erotic caresses and went in the top corner, as straight as if he’d drawn it with a set square. 30 league goals. The trees in Munich breathed easily.

Sergio Ramos scored the third, not by luck. He’d joined every counter-attack during the entire game. He finally scored with his head, like the fabulous midfielder he could have been if someone had actually decided to play him there, without saying sorry, and not just in the Camp Nou. Sorry to keep banging on about it, but Madrid, who have lots of excellent defenders, lack that kind of midfielder.

Carvajal finished the rout, because sometimes (not often) everything turns out perfectly; Isco put the ball in and the wing-back headed home. If we said that Carvajal can’t ask for more we’d be lying, because he can and he should. The World Cup should be his next target. Maybe he just needs a good game in Munich for Del Bosque to make up his mind.

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