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Here's Your 4-Step Guide to Getting Your Ex Back

Popsugar logo Popsugar 14/07/2019 Isadora-Baum
a man standing in front of shoes: Unsplash / Jared Sluyter © Unsplash / Jared Sluyter Unsplash / Jared Sluyter

If you're missing your ex and think the breakup was wrong (yes, we've all been there), you're probably hoping to get back together. While there are times you really shouldn't get back together, if the heart doesn't heal and you feel like you're not ready to let go, it's worth a shot. Still, you'll need to give your partner some space to come back to you naturally. If you're too up-front and disrespectful, your chances will lower.

There are a few tips to follow if you're hoping to repair and rekindle your relationship with your ex significant other. They might even be your soulmate, in which case it's definitely worth the risk. And at the end of the day, remember that no matter what happens, you're awesome: so why shouldn't they come back, right? Ahead, find out how to win back your former flame with these tips straight from the experts.

Focus on Yourself

Don't be needy; focus on happiness and fun. "Instead of focusing on your ex, focus on yourself. Instead of chasing your ex and possibly appearing clingy or even desperate, work on yourself," says Carolyn Cole, LCPC, LMFT, NCC to POPSUGAR. Your ex may then wonder what you are up to, especially if you are still connected on social media, and he or she sees the amazing things you are doing, she says.

Release Expectations

Don't bother dreaming that they may come back. Just wait and see. "If you hear from your ex, be grateful for the interaction," she says. Be casual in your response and keep expectations low. "If you reach out to your ex, and they don't respond in the way that you would like, do not express frustrations or anxieties or need for reassurance to them, as this will push them away again," she adds. 

Don't Reach Out Right Away

Give it some time. "As you are working on the [aforementioned] things, you are also showing them that you are OK without them. You are not desperate or needy," she says. Give your ex the space to miss you and reach out to you, instead. "They can't miss you if you are always texting/calling/messaging, etc.," she says.

Figure Out Why You Broke Up

Focus on inner healing but also think about why you broke up and in what ways you can improve yourself if you're hoping to "change" and get back together. "Work on your own inner healing. What do you need to heal from the breakup, and what lesson did you learn as a result of the breakup? Once you start communicating with your ex, they will be able to sense the difference in you," she says.


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