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11 signs you have been single for WAY too long

Evoke.ie logo Evoke.ie 10/08/2020 Adam Lacey
Renee Zellweger sitting on a table © Provided by Evoke.ie

When it comes to being single, there’s a certain point when looking at other couples makes you feel physically ill, or at least makes you ‘jokingly’ make puke noises.

You then get to an age where everyone around you is either getting engaged and moving in together and with all this romance in the air, there is just one word that encapsulates exactly how you are feeling at the moment: Single.

So have you been single for too long? Well, if you relate too much to these 11 signs… you may well have been.

1. The last time you used a razor was when Kim was still married to Kris Humphries

Kim Kardashian, Kris Humphries, Kris Jenner posing for the camera: Photo by Denise Truscello/WireImage) © Provided by Evoke.ie Photo by Denise Truscello/WireImage)

Why bother…?

Your mates don’t care if you resemble a werewolf from the waist down so why should you?

2. If a guy checks you out you assume you have something on your face

a woman wearing glasses and smiling at the camera: Photo by Henry Lamb/BEI/BEI/Shutterstock © Provided by Evoke.ie Photo by Henry Lamb/BEI/BEI/Shutterstock

Is that some pesto mayo from my lunch?

Because it’s definitely not just someone who could potentially find you sexually attractive. I mean look at all the hair.

3. Eating an entire Dominos meal deal in your pyjamas > going on a date.

a woman eating a sandwich: Pic: Shutterstock © Provided by Evoke.ie Pic: Shutterstock

Every. Single. Time.

In fairness, we think pizza would win out if we have a potential suitor, which we don’t so it doesn’t really matter either way.

4. All Netflix and no chill

a person sitting on a sofa: Pic: Shutterstock © Provided by Evoke.ie Pic: Shutterstock

We are currently living vicariously through reality TV shows including but not limited to, Selling Sunset, The Real Housewives, and of course Too Hot To Handle.

On the plus side, there’s probably not really such a thing as too much Netflix so we’re all good here.

5. Your aunts don’t ask if you are seeing anyone anymore

Pic: REX © Provided by Evoke.ie Pic: REX

Your mum’s likely already warned them in advance to steer clear of *that* particular topic.

And, to be honest, we’re grateful for that.

6. You and your pillow have a real bond.

a woman lying on a bed: Pic: Shutterstock © Provided by Evoke.ie Pic: Shutterstock

You love hugging it so tight. So very tight.

You have also considered buying one of those massive pillows with arms so you can be hugged back… Don’t lie.

7. Your preferred sleeping position is ‘the chilled cat’.

a person posing for the camera: Pic: Shutterstock © Provided by Evoke.ie Pic: Shutterstock

Why would you NOT stretch out with all that bed to yourself?

In fact, the thought of sharing your sleeping space with anyone at this stage is more than a little distressing, I mean who doesn’t need an entire double bed to themselves, and cuddling while sleeping, no thank you.

8. At least one of your recent exes is engaged

a woman talking on a cell phone: Pic: Shutterstock © Provided by Evoke.ie Pic: Shutterstock

‘I’m not ready to commit.’ ‘Why rush into it?’ ‘It’s a waste of money.’

ALL LIES.

9. Your pals in relationships make you bitter.

a person sitting at a table with a cup of coffee: Pic: Shutterstock © Provided by Evoke.ie Pic: Shutterstock

Oh this guy is The One, is he? IS HE?

*drinks all the gin*

10. You spend a lot of money on ‘loungewear’

a person sitting on a bed: Pic: Shutterstock © Provided by Evoke.ie Pic: Shutterstock

AKA pyjamas you believe are acceptable to wear almost all day and have absolutely no shame about it.

Get it together, woman.

11. You develop unhealthy crushes on randomers and TV ‘stars’

Bradley Walsh standing on a stage in front of a television: Host Bradley Walsh . Pic: ITV © Provided by Evoke.ie Host Bradley Walsh . Pic: ITV

That guy in the shop is cute, maybe he’ll ask me out if I go there every single day to buy nothing I need. I mean, I don’t actually fancy him, but I do want to know if he fancies me.

Of course, he’s no Bradley Walsh… OH LORD HELP US.

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