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Top mistakes parents make when a child throws tantrums

Hindustan Times logo Hindustan Times 24-09-2022 Akanksha Agnihotri, Delhi

Parents may find temper tantrums to be frustrating. It can include whining and sobbing as well as yelling, beating, kicking, and breath-holding episodes. While some kids may throw tantrums frequently, others may do it occasionally. Tantrums are a typical stage in a child's growth.

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They are how young children express their annoyance or frustration. Many parents make the error of putting discipline measures in place to stop tantrums. This only makes things worse. However, rewarding your kids for having tantrums will just encourage them to use that strategy in the future. That is also incorrect, thus. Parents should take the necessary steps to educate and encourage good behaviour in their children. 

"The next time your child throws a tantrum, adopt this mantra: freeze, breathe, meet the need. Which, at that moment, is a connection before Correction. Conscious Parents still need to discipline and correct their children but a tantrum isn’t the time for it. At least not if you want your child to retain the lesson. For centuries we’ve been taught that if we don’t stop the bad behaviour in the child immediately, our children will become weak, soft, entitled brats who expect everyone to cater to their fragile emotions. We’ve been taught that some emotions are “bad” and to fear them. Often the lessons we try to teach go in one ear and out the other and their emotional development is stunted simultaneously. If we truly want the correction to “stick" we have to learn how to connect first. " says Rachael, Parenting Coach, in her recent Instagram post. She further shared what parents should avoid doing when their child throws tantrums.

  • Invalidate, laugh at, dismiss or avoid their emotions:

Doing so will stunt a child's emotional development. Instead, we should welcome, validate and soothe all emotions in order to teach a child that emotions are safe and will eventually pass.

  • Try to move past or stop emotions quickly:

Doing so will also stunt a child's emotional development. Instead, we work on expanding our window of tolerance and hold space for the child's emotional wave to come and go.

  • Aim to reason with or teach while the child is still emotional:

When a child is throwing tantrums his disregulated brain is not ready for logical and reasonable lessons. If we try to discipline in this moment, they will not retain the lesson and will repeat negative behaviour again and again. Instead we should wait patiently.

  • Only connect emotionally without eventually teaching:

Correction and discipline are necessary. Once the emotional wave has passed and your child is playful and connective again, then you can talk about ways to handle the circumstance and big emotions in healthier ways in the future.

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