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Internet Slams Man Who 'Spoiled' Girlfriend's Birthday To Prioritize His Ex

Newsweek 3/10/2022 Alice Gibbs
A file photo of a woman sitting on a sofa looking upset and concerned. The internet has slammed a man for prioritizing his ex girlfriend over his current partner's birthday plans. © Rawpixel/Getty Images A file photo of a woman sitting on a sofa looking upset and concerned. The internet has slammed a man for prioritizing his ex girlfriend over his current partner's birthday plans.

The internet has slammed a man for prioritizing his ex-girlfriend over his partner's birthday celebrations after a viral post on Mumsnet.

First posted on Friday by user RuRue, the story on the popular discussion site has sparked a conversation with over 500 responses.

In the post, the user said: "He has spoiled my birthday to accommodate his ex."

RuRue explained: "It's my birthday next weekend, for the first time in years I have made plans. I haven't really bothered with my last few birthdays for a few reasons really, depression, finances etc. I don't usually drink but I planned to have a few glasses of wine at home on Friday when the kids go to bed, bit of pampering, long bubble bath, and then spend the day on Saturday with my mom. A bit of shopping, she was going to treat me to lunch—child free."

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She explained that her partner had encouraged her to organize this, wanting her to have some time off mom duties, and had booked the Friday and Saturday off work well in advance to accommodate.

But she then revealed that her partner had called her: "He rings me and says his ex asked him if he will have the kids overnight next Friday as an extra contact, so she can go and spend the night at her mom's for a break. He didn't bother to consult me, just told her yes and told me afterwards."

She revealed that this meant her plans were now not able to go ahead as there was no way her partner would handle looking after all six children alone.

She said: "After discussing it at length, he thinks the best compromise is that I go and stay at a hotel with the youngest for my 'break' and he'll juggle the rest on his own, like that's doing me a favor.

"So just another night of night feeds and broken sleep, just in a hotel and not my own surroundings. That is not a treat for me."

Before asking the forum if she was being unreasonable, she said: "I love the kids, I just want one thing for myself after making sacrifices for years to accommodate his ex on her jollies, concerts, or impromptu visits to friends and family."

According to data from the U.S. Census Bureau, over 30 percent of under 18s in America live in a blended family environment where their parents live separately and they may live with a step-parent or step-siblings. In 2013, the U.S. Census Bureau reported that about half of all custodial parents had either legal or informal child support agreements and arrangements for splitting time caring for their children.

Mumsnet users were shocked by the story, and overwhelmingly sided with the woman. One user said: "Go anyway and leave him to it. His mess to deal with. I bet his ex knew it was your birthday too. It won't be a coincidence."

Another wrote: "Is he always like this? Why do you come second to his ex in terms of priority?"

Throughout the next week, the woman has continued to update interested users. In a later post, she said: "Thanks all. I need to put my foot down and remind myself it's not my problem. I felt emotionally blackmailed when he told me because he made it sound as though he either has them, or they might be at risk."

One reply said: "Life is too short to have it dictated by his ex. If I were you I'd honestly be looking at leaving. The fact that he was all happy when you said you'd go to a hotel just says a lot about how he views this as a battle to be 'won' from you."

The poster later explained that her other half was making her feel increasingly uncomfortable. She said: "He might not be physically abusive but he is a gaslighting a** who brings so much trouble into my life and creates an environment where I can't question it because then I get stonewalled or the silent treatment."

In a later comment, the woman said she had reached out for help from the U.K. domestic abuse charity Women's Aid after the discussion on the forum.

Mumsnet users praised the woman's actions and one wrote: "Good luck op. It sounds like you have found your angry and you're no longer going to put up with his s***. Get ready to be happy. It will no doubt be hard at first, but nothing good comes easy, you'll get there."

Anyone seeking help should call The National Domestic Violence Hotline, a free and confidential hotline available 24/7 that can be reached on 1-800-799-7233 or TTY 1-800-787-3224. The Hotline also provides information on local resources. For more information visit https://www.thehotline.org/.

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