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How to know if getting back with your ex is a good idea, according to a therapist

INSIDER logo INSIDER 3/1/2022 insider@insider.com (Julia Naftulin)
NOVEMBER 14: (L-R) Miguel and Nazanin Mandi attend the 20th annual Latin GRAMMY Awards at MGM Grand Garden Arena on November 14, 2019 in Las Vegas, Nevada. Lester Cohen/Getty Images for LARAS © Provided by INSIDER NOVEMBER 14: (L-R) Miguel and Nazanin Mandi attend the 20th annual Latin GRAMMY Awards at MGM Grand Garden Arena on November 14, 2019 in Las Vegas, Nevada. Lester Cohen/Getty Images for LARAS

  • If you're unsure whether it's worth it to rekindle your romance, there are ways you can tell, says a therapist.
  • Discuss how you've grown since your breakup and address the reasons you broke up.
  • Consider whether you want your ex back for comfort, or if they add something to your life you can't find anywhere else.

Singer Miguel and his wife Nazanin Mandi announced they're back together after being separated for five months.

"Heal the root so the tree is stable. I'm so proud of us," Mandi wrote on Instagram

Actors Lisa Bonet and Jason Momoa are also reportedly rekindling their romance, a friend of the couple told HollywoodLife.com. They previously announced their decision to break up in a January 12 Instagram post.

If you're considering getting back together with an ex, you should reflect on what will be different moving forward before you jump back in, according to Mark Williams, a licensed therapist who works with the relationship-coaching app Relish.

He said healthy reconciliation depends on whether you and your ex have individually worked through the problems that led to your relationship dissolution in the first place.

"If you're going to try to get back to the relationship, the obvious question is: Why didn't it work the first time?" Williams told Insider.

You and your ex have to address your previous relationship issues if you want a chance to make things work


Video: Does Getting Back with an Ex Ever Work Out? (The Doctors (video))

If you don't want to fall into the same relationship problems you did the first time around, Williams said you and your ex have to have an honest discussion about what went wrong, and explain how each of you worked to better yourselves since the split to prevent reccuring problems.

Williams said couples who fight or end things often have differing communication styles, and never learn how to talk to each other in a healthy way.

"In many cases when you start looking at it, it's like [each partner is] trying to win the argument and neither one is listening to the other, or trying to understand, or come to some resolution, because they're both so invested in their own side," he said.

Previous infidelity, addiction problems, and feelings of jealousy and resentment are other issues exes who are reconsidering their relationship should consider before getting back together, Williams said.

"If two people love each other and they both are committed to making things work, to changing, or working on their own individual issues, there's a good chance that they could work things out, but each person, I believe, has to take responsibility for whatever their part was," in the initial breakup, Williams said.

Make sure you want to get back together because your ex adds something special to your life, not because of loneliness

Often, people rekindle things with an ex because it's comfortable, Williams said.

If you're considering getting back together with yours, he said it's important to understand your personal motivations for doing so.

"Sometimes it's hard to date, and you think you're comfortable with that person, or maybe it's easier to get back with that person than to try something new," Williams said.

That's why you have to ask yourself whether you fall into that category, or if your ex provided something special that you don't want to lose.

If you aren't sure how to figure out this distinction yourself, Williams said speaking with a third party can help you gain clarity.

"It could be helpful to talk to friends and family sometimes. They may see things that you may not see," Williams said, adding that chatting with a therapist is another option.

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