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15 Questions To Ask Your Boyfriend Or Girlfriend Before Falling Head-Over-Heels In Love

YourTango logo YourTango 4/23/2018 YourTango

Questions To Ask Your Boyfriend Or Girlfriend Before Falling In Love & Getting Married © Provided by NewsCred Questions To Ask Your Boyfriend Or Girlfriend Before Falling In Love & Getting Married

Butterflies in the pit of your stomach, bright smiles, flushing cheeks and giddiness — these are the classic feelings men and women associate with the first stages of falling in love.

When you're dating someone new and just beginning to see the possibility of a long-term relationship (and possibly getting married!), it's breathtaking and magical, but before you allow yourself to get too high on love and fall completely head over heels, there are important questions to ask your boyfriend or girlfriend before you become wedded to the vision of them as your husband or wife, especially if you want to avoid a divorce in the future.

 

RELATED: 50 Questions To Ask Your Boyfriend Or Girlfriend (Before Your Relationship Gets Too Serious)

 

Yes, you're discovering more things about each other every day, and the exciting new information occupies your every waking thought. But what do you honestly know about them and who they really are?

Before you find yourself unable to stop the wheels already in motion and emotionally invested too deeply to think straight, take a step back.

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Many women make the mistake of listening to what they think is their heart, rather than paying attention to the waving red flags in front of them. Or worse, they fail to ask important and defining relationship questions, and making assumptions instead about significant matters can come back to bite you.

Take Lidia, for example, who waited 4 years for a proposal, only to find out her boyfriend had lost faith in the institution of marriage after his divorce and was dead-set on cohabitation. Or take Jordan, who thought his wife would go all in with fertility treatments, including considering using donor eggs, when they couldn't conceive a child naturally. The stress of the process and the disagreements about which route to take, if any, caused significant tension, and ultimately, their separation.

It makes sense that different values around things like money, kids and sex are often cited as some of the most common reasons people divorce.

One longitudinal study conducted by a team of psychologists at the University of Denver found that conflicts, arguments and lack of commitment to be contributing factors, with the last straw most frequently being infidelity, domestic abuse, or substance abuse.

Additionally, data collected by researchers at the University of California at Los Angeles found that lingering doubts on the part of either the groom- or bride-to-be before heading to the altar, AKA 'cold feet', correlate to higher divorce rates.

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Essentially, much of the grief people experience over the course of marriage is preventable — and it comes down to proper vetting.

You wouldn't accept a new job without asking questions in an interview about things such as the company culture and values, as well as what they expect from you and what you can expect in return, so why wouldn't you do the same before giving your heart away and committing your entire life to a partner?

Knowledge is power. Be informed about your prospective mate and find out what you need to know.

To begin, ask yourself the following set of questions.

Before you can even think about asking someone else questions about what's important to them, you need to start by figuring out what kind of life you want for yourself and what you value. When you have envisioned the future you want and you are firm about your relationship needs, you can move on to further "discovery" with your significant other.

 

RELATED: How To Bring Up The DTR Chat With Your Guy, Step-By-Step

 

Ideally, get clear about all of this before you decide to date anyone. If you're online dating, share enough about your personality to signal what you want in a partner, and you'll be more likely to attract the kind of person who will be your ideal match in the first place.

Remember that how you ask these questions is key.

I recommend asking open-ended questions in a relaxed setting and with a casual attitude so it doesn't feel like an interrogation. People generally feel more comfortable opening up while doing something they enjoy, so try going for a walk, making a home-cooked meal, or sitting down with a glass of wine.

You can even introduce these questions as a fun game, throwing in some wild extras such as, "What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?" or "What would you do if you came into a million dollars?"

Stay curious and listen to what's truly being said rather than focusing on what you want to hear. Ask follow-up questions to reach better understandings without making or implying any judgment.

Keep in mind that you might like this person a lot, but if their answers don’t align with yours, that’s OK. That's the point of dating, after all. You get to find out what you like and what does and doesn't work for you so you can choose wisely whether you want to dive in or say good-bye.

Before you start falling in love and getting married, here are 15 critical questions to ask your boyfriend or girlfriend in order to save you both from a painful divorce.

1. What are you looking for in a relationship?

If you are looking for a commitment and the other person is looking for a hookup, friends with benefits, or has no idea what they want, proceed with caution! Love is on your mind, not just fun, so hold onto your integrity and maintain your boundaries.

If you've already had the DTR chat and you're both in the same lane, move on to the rest of the questions.

 

2. What are your beliefs about marriage?

Find out if your new love wants marriage or if they'll be content another arrangement, such as living together. If you believe in the institution of marriage and will only be satisfied with a ring on your finger, you'll want to figure that out sooner than later.

 

3. Do you want to have kids?

Having kids right away, if ever, is no longer a given, so you may want to

This article was written by Lisa Petsinis from YourTango and was legally licensed through the NewsCred publisher network. Please direct all licensing questions to legal@newscred.com.

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