She’s still obsessed with my boyfriend

© Provided by The Boston Globe Love Letters

Meredith wants to answer your question. Write to loveletters@globe.com or fill out this form.

Q. Simply put, this girl is obsessed with my boyfriend. Not to shift blame onto another woman entirely; my boyfriend is also to blame. I wrote to you a few months back because I found out my boyfriend had cheated on me and I moved out. He begged and pleaded, claiming he made a mistake. He asked to go to therapy together.

I do love him, and I know people make mistakes. However, in the time we weren’t together, he began to see the girl he had cheated on me with during the relationship. He was never exclusively dating her, since he was still seeing me nearly every day. Regardless, this girl fell for him (who knows how he truly felt; he told me he didn’t care, but my intuition tells me otherwise). Over the summer, the girl came forward and told me that she knew we were dating and living together when they got together, and that she was in love with him.

She told me she did not want to be with him unless I was out of the picture, but continues to pursue him when I am in the picture. He has not spoken to her, but I found out that she had been reaching out to him, and that she had, in fact, moved next door to where he lives. Creepy much?

She has made me feel so uncomfortable, to the point where I am even scared to go out with my boyfriend on his side of the city — in fear of her trying to run me over with her car or something! She posts on social media (TikTok, Instagram) about how she “can’t move on.” It’s really making therapy and working to mend our relationship difficult, because I know someone else is openly obsessing over him. Should I confront this girl one more time and see if I can finally put an end to it? I’ve been nothing but nice, and even listened to her tell me her feelings about him.

26 AND WONDERING IF ALL THIS BS IS WORTH IT

A. I can’t tell you this relationship is worth the struggle. I will tell you that after reading this letter — and knowing that it’s your second — it does sounds like you’d do better on your own.

I’m glad the two of you are in therapy as you figure this out. Please use some of that time to talk about how to manage your feelings and fears about this other woman.

Also, please block her (the other woman, not the therapist). You don’t need to watch these TikToks or look at her Instagram. Don’t let her use social media as a tool for communication with you. If you stop reading, that ends.

Video: Vivica A. Fox reveals why she always makes her bed in a hotel (TODAY)

Vivica A. Fox reveals why she always makes her bed in a hotel

TODAY See more videos

SHARE

SHARE

TWEET

SHARE

EMAIL

What to watch next

• 

  Rep. Judy Chu (D-CA) speaks about being arrested at abortion rights protest outside Supreme Court

  
  MSNBC
• 

  Northern Lights glow over Jackson County

  
  Reuters
• 

  'Clown car of a debate': SE Cupp reacts to AZ GOP debate

  
  CNN
• 

  Alexander Vindman on Trump team intimidating Jan 6 witnesses: "This is how they operate"

  
  MSNBC
• 

  Jeff Corwin gives advice on how to interact with wildlife in wake of recent attacks

  
  CNN
• 

  Deadly earthquake reduces buildings to rubble in Iran

  
  NBC News
• 

  Virgin launches U.S. defence satellites from California

  
  Associated Press
• 

  Video shows rescue efforts after ship breaks in half

  
  CNN
• 

  Uvalde police chief plans to resign from City Council seat, according to local paper

  
  MSNBC
• 

  Ukrainian troops describe frontline as ‘hell on Earth’

  
  Associated Press
• 

  Thousands celebrate 50 years of Pride in London

  
  Reuters
• 

  Velshi: There is no land of the free when freedoms are extinguished

  
  MSNBC
• 

  “Pay attention to Alabama”: Post-Roe, AL clinic director warns of more dangers ahead

  
  MSNBC
• 

  Supreme Court asks Maryland officials to stop protests outside justices' houses

  
  MSNBC
• 

  Migrants suffer through dangerous journeys while crossing the U.S. Border

  
  MSNBC
• 

  Rep. Plaskett: Trump “Changed the permit” that allowed for Capitol riot

  
  MSNBC

Click to expand

Replay Video

• Rep. Judy Chu (D-CA) speaks about being arrested at abortion rights protest outside Supreme Court Rep. Judy Chu (D-CA) speaks with Cori Coffin about being arrested alongside other activists while attending a civil disobedience rally for abortion rights on Capitol grounds, as well as the actions that Congress plans to take in the coming weeks and months to support women in the wake of the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn Roe v. Wade. “We will fight to maintain our right to make decisions over our bodies and our futures,” Rep. Chu says. MSNBC
• Northern Lights glow over Jackson County Green lights dance across the sky in striking aurora displays in Minnesota. Video credit: Twitter @JAllenPhotogra1 Reuters
• 'Clown car of a debate': SE Cupp reacts to AZ GOP debate CNN political commentator SE Cupp reacts to a primary debate between GOP candidates for Arizona's gubernatorial election. CNN

UP NEXT

Do not approach her again. She’s not your friend. You can’t fix this for her.

My thought is that you’ve been keeping these lines open because you want to check up on your boyfriend. Perhaps you’re scanning her profiles to see if she writes, “This man started cheating with me again. His girlfriend doesn’t know!” You shouldn’t have to monitor anything to feel good about what you have. You need to be able to trust him without becoming a detective. Can you? It doesn’t sound like it.

If this question is overwhelming, ask the therapist for a referral to see someone on your own. It’s time to trust that intuition and put yourself first.

MEREDITH

READERS RESPOND:

Maybe getting rid of the problem starts by identifying the actual problem. Your boyfriend started this whole mess by sleeping with the other woman. Keep that in perspective as you decide what to do.

SUNALSORISES

The correct thing to do here should be crystal clear, yet you have written two letters asking for advice. That leads me to believe you love all this drama. I can’t help you with that. Good luck.

PMCD101

She doesn’t seem to be the only one obsessed. You’re regularly checking her social media. Is this guy the last single man in a 20-mile radius? Move on before you write to Love Letters a third time.

DANGLEPARTICIPLE

Send your own relationship and dating questions to loveletters@globe.com. Catch new episodes of Meredith Goldstein’s “Love Letters” podcast at loveletters.show or wherever you listen to podcasts. Column and comments are edited and reprinted from boston.com/loveletters.